I turned 28 this year. On my birthday, my office colleagues greeted me curtly, my friends unashamedly pestered me for extravagant parties, and my parents reiterated their unconditional love for me. After having a great day at work and celebrating in the evening with my loved ones, I felt utterly terrible that night. It wasn’t because the day hadn’t gone according to my plan, or I was simply ungrateful, no, the dreadfulness within me was triggered by the existential crisis of reaching my late twenties and realising that I’ve lived on this planet for nearly three decades now and haven’t truly made an attempt to understand myself.
As far as Socrates is concerned, my life was not even worth living. Battling away these terrible thoughts, I decided to address this gnawing feeling within me. I did not sleep that night. All I did was think, and I realised that there were a few things that were troubling me.
- I had no records of my thoughts and opinions, or how they were being moulded and moulding me.
- I was consuming a lot of content but not creating anything.
- I was afraid to put myself out in the real world.
I had figured out the troubles that were tormenting me. I searched for a pen and jotted down everything in an old diary. Just as I was listing down these issues, I had a feeling that felt similar to how you feel when the traffic ahead of you clears up and your vehicle can move ahead. Yes, I felt like I, too, was moving ahead. That night and the next day, I kept on writing. What you’re about to read is a summary of those revelations I had. To me, this feels like a great way to write down my intentions clearly so that I can come back to these whenever I feel lost.
A ledger of losses and learnings
“To practice any art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow. So do it.” - Kurt Vonnegut
A lot has happened in my life, and I seem to have forgotten more than I can remember. I wouldn’t be coy and say that I have been continuously living in the present moment and enjoying my life. No, that would be a lie. I’ve caught myself repeating the mistakes that I knew I had learned from, and this has affected me deeply. So here I am writing about everything that feels important or interesting.
Human memory is fickle; it gets fuzzy over time and loses its vividity in the fog of thoughts and dreams. This is my attempt to preserve my memories.
Gaining the muscles to write and think
“Writing is thinking on paper.” - William Zinsser
I want my writings here to act as a feedback mechanism for the ideas that were conceived during thinking. Reading my writings will help me to think clearly and iteratively improve my understanding of the topics I feel are of great import to me. In this process, I will also identify the flaws in the way that I think, improve my concentration, and my linguistic precision, which will, in turn, sharpen my thinking.
I want to check what I believe in. And I believe that writing will help me assess my beliefs in the best possible manner.
Embracing Vulnerability
”… You’ve got to be able to look at your thoughts on paper and discover what a fool you were.” - Ray Bradbury
With time, I have realised that the more of myself I keep from this world, the more opportunities in this world I am denying myself. Now, there are both pros and cons to this approach of living; however, I believe it’s time to put my head out of the shell and embrace fully the good, the bad, and whatever lies in between them that this world has to offer. The worst that can happen in this process is that I can hurt myself emotionally and mentally. Boo-hoo, I say, bring it on!
I have made peace with the fact that I will fall. Now, I need to ensure that I always have the courage to get up and persevere.
I will be writing here on a range of topics like tech, books, movies, music, games, and much more! Along with this, I will also be providing a weekly update on all the new things I am currently into. My objective here is to write at least one blog post a week. And yes, I am stoked! See you in the next one! ✌️
Note: As I proceed with writing these blog posts, I’ll also keep updating the website to improve its performance and user experience